My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize