I cut my penus on the lid.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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