he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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