The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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