So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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