it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
