I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
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No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
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I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize