Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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