peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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