And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
