all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
