planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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