oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
