after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
