I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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