omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
