dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
