I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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