i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
