I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
