I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
