Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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