I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My dick has a subreddit
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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