Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
