I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Be still, my beating vagina.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
