the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
