I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
