I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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