two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
