told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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