cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
