I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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