Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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