Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
