shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
