Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
