He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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