Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
