His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
