Cold hands, warm shart.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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