there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
