Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
