never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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