i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
