mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize