He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
