i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
