So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
