Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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