New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
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Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
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While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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