It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
this just has baby written all over it
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
