i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
