The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
