Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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