i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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