Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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