i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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