My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
