The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
