Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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