i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
