my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Farmville is her only friend.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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