I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
