Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
