Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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