This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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