We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
