Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
