I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
