hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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