why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
