naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
