You're a womanizer and a bitch.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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