I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
