Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
