this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
