I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
