Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
two words: eviction party
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
