Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize