I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
