well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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