I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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