we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
