So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
