The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
