walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
