why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
